A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says … Well, I guess we finally answered “THAT question!”
Q: What’s the difference between a mathematician and a physicist? A: A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a strait line while a physicist wants more data.
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein
A frog went to visit a fortune teller. “What do you see in my future?” asked the frog. “Very soon,” replied the fortune teller. “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.” “That’s great!” said the frog, hopping up and down excitedly. “But when will I meet her?” “Next week in science class.” said the fortune teller.
When was Heisenberg born? Oh, that’s very uncertain.
I have a quantum car – every time I look at the speedometer, I get lost.
It’s an atom’s birthday party and he has just had cake. Atom: “Man, am I excited!”
“Physics is becoming so unbelievably complex that it is taking longer and longer to train a physicist. It is taking so long, in fact, to train a physicist to the place where he understands the nature of physical problems that he is already too old to solve them.” – Eugene Wigner
There’s a pessimist, an optimist and an engineer all discussing a ½ glass of water. The pessimist says that it’s half empty, the optimist says it’s half full, and the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Q: What is The Doppler effect ? A: It’s the effect of stupid ideas sounding more reasonable the faster they come at you
Two bytes are in a bar. One says to the other, “I’m not feeling that well. I think I have a parity error”. The other byte responds, “I thought you looked a bit off!”
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Möbius Strip? To get to the other side.
Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. “I think not,” he says, and vanishes in a puff of logic.
“It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.”
– Albert Einstein
Why are molecular biologists fashionable? They wear designer genes.
What do you call a microbiologist that has travelled to every country in the world? A man of many cultures.
Two mathematicians are watching the front door of a building. Two people walk in, then a few minutes later three people walk out. The first mathematician says to the second “if one more person walks in, there will be zero people inside”.
The tachyon orders a beer. A tachyon walks into a bar…
In other news, DNA helicase was arrested this morning for unzipping his genes in public.
A scientist is denied entrance to a microbiology lab. When he asks why, he is told that it is for “Staph Only”.